When the Going Gets Tough, Where to Turn?

So often, when life becomes challenging, either professionally or personally, we turn inward. We tend to isolate ourselves.

The reasons for doing so are countless. Perhaps it is out of embarrassment that we can’t solve by ourselves whatever the challenge is. Maybe we think that no one else will understand, because we have convinced ourselves that our challenge is so unique no one else will ever “get it.” Or, as I have learned, maybe it is because, when life is challenging, we revert to what is comfortable for us, we regress to our old habits. What is more comfortable than being by ourselves?

After all, they know me there.

The isolation that occurs when we turn inward is not healthy. It compounds our challenges, and the isolation feeds on itself. We end up by ourselves, with only the challenge and ensuring despair to keep us company.

If the Pandemic taught us anything, it is that it is OK to be physically isolated, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝.

But, as I was reminded last year, when attending the Harwood Institute’s Annual Summit, directed by Rich Harwood, when things get tough, when times are challenging, as leaders and as communities, we need to do something that is counterintuitive: 𝐰𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝.

As leaders and as communities, we need not to isolate ourselves. It is during challenging times that we are called to be together, to reach out. Those to whom we turn may not be able to solve our challenges, but the mere fact that we are not alone with them makes them more manageable.

When we turn outward, we are often reminded that others may have faced similar challenges, and we can learn from them. We realize that—gasp—we are not as unique as we thought we were. There’s a news flash!

𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲, 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬, 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬. I am fortunate to have a group of five leaders to which I belong and has been meeting for fourteen years. If you don’t have someone to whom you can turn, 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰.

The next time we find ourselves starting to isolate, starting to run that mental script—whatever it is—that results in isolation, recognize it as a red flag and a reminder not to turn inward, but to turn outward.